What I Love Right Now

Jacob's Recaps at "Television Without Pity"

I know I've tooted his particular horn before, but it really cannot be said enough. While the entire staff of TWoP is talented, funny, witty and ruthless, Jacob is the only recapper whose opinion I accept as fact. His relentlessly deep analysis of each moment of every episode somehow helps me understand the dynamics with a clarity I did not possess prior to reading his delightful prose. He frequently veers off the usual path into obscure references and long explanations of particular elements and history, but these asides are so informative and relevant they allow access to an entirely new level of understanding.

It helps that his assigned shows are "Battlestar Galactica," "Gossip Girl" and every other episode of "American Idol." I can get into deep conversations about those. What makes his writing especially fun to read is that he remembers EVERYTHING that has ever happened on the show he is recapping which can mean one of two things for those reading: 1) if you're a long-time fan, there are all kinds of great throwbacks and reminders of pertinent history that are fun to acknowledge and 2) if you're new to the show, he helps you understand all the crazy dynamics at play, allowing you to really get the episode, even if you're unaware of a lot of it's history.

I'm well aware that unless you watch these shows, the quotes I'm about to throw at you will mean very little. However, I'll give a brief explanation of the context of each of these quotes, so that you should be able to understand the basic set-up of the scene being recapped, and therefore, should be able to at least appreciate the way Jacob writes. That's all I'm asking for here. Give the man his due as an awesome writer.

• American Idol: The recaps of "American Idol" are really just snarky opinions at their best. I don't always agree with his representation of a particular performance (I often feel that music is a much more subjective art form than film and TV - opinions can vary much more widely), but I do always enjoy the creative ways he describes the contestants and their song renditions.

During Top 16 Boys Week, David Cook has just sung a great version of Lionel Ritchie's "Hello":

Randy calls it a "slightly emo" version of an "extremely pop" song, and says it could be a single. I can't disagree. But then, I have a playlist that consists only of covers of "Umbrella" which usually lasts me about the length of a recap, so my concepts of "single" and "emo" are a little skewed. Also, Randy could not put together a cogent definition of the word "emo" if his life literally depended on it. Paula totally loved it, as she always does, because she knows he's surprising and talented. She agrees that it could and should be a hit today, which means I'm two for two, which hurts. Simon calls it "very brave" and says he "loved it." Thank God Simon agrees with me or my heart would break like a cute little clay bust made by a blind girl. Who I am stalking.

During Top 6: Andrew Lloyd Webber Week, "Memory" from the musical "Cats":

And now the bullllllllshit, with Jason Castro singing "Memory." And you know what, it makes total sense. His whole thing is to take something completely worn out and stupid like "Somewhere Over The Rainbow," pretend he's Jack Johnson, and blow the mind of the genre itself. So if you look at the whole catalog, it was either going to be that song about how you shouldn't cry for despots with their arms in the air, or the song about the homeless old woman cat who -- correct me if I'm wrong -- goes to heaven in a spaceship. Those are the only two choices for Jason. I hope he plays a banjo!

• Gossip Girl: This is a show viewed largely as a guilty pleasure. It's about spoiled, wealthy teens and the reckless way in which they lead their lives. True. But that's only on the surface. We could take the show at face value and see it as vapid entertainment, and it would still be pleasurable. But Jacob sees a deeper dissection of human behavior at work and reading a recap of "Gossip Girl" is like reading a sociology paper. But a funny one. The quality of Jacob's analysis that I have always appreciated is that he rarely judges the characters of which he writes. He has opinions, sure, but he almost always sees the point of view of the character and understands a deeper motivation than is immediately apparent. That comes in handy in the world of New York's Upper East Side where the guilty are often not as guilty as they first appear, and the self-righteous "innocent" are often less likable.

From Episode 1.8 "Seventeen Candles" - Chuck is talking to his best friend, Nate, the morning after Chuck has just deflowered Nate's recent ex, Blair Waldorf. Chuck likes Blair, Chuck loves Nate (as a friend), and Nate only likes Blair, doesn't want to go out with her anymore, but is being pressured into it because their parents are in the middle of a business deal together. Also, it should be known, that Blair is the coolest character on this show, and that Chuck had up until now, been the sleaziest:

The facts are these: Nate and Blair do not belong together, in any world, and Chuck knows this. Nate also knows this. But Chuck knows a thing that Nate doesn't know, which is that Chuck -- heretofore involved in their business on many levels -- is now involved in the mess on a bodily-fluids level. However, that doesn't change axiom one, which is that Nate doesn't love Blair, and theorem one, which is that maybe Chuck does. So Chuck has to figure out a way where he gets Blair away from Nate, because the relationship is already killing Nate, and is quickly on its way to killing Blair once she figures all of this out. Plus axiom three, which is that both fortunes, Archibald and Waldorf, are in deep trouble having to do with these things, and other things Chuck can't control. Now, I believe in Blair Waldorf implicitly. But on this level, it turns out I very strongly believe in Chuck Bass as well.

From Episode 1.4 "Bad News Blair" - Blair is the model at a fashion shoot for her mother's new clothing line and she's sucking because she's so stiff and self-conscious. So her best friend Serena, who just came back after being gone and out of contact with Blair, is trying to help loosen her up so that her mom won't fire Blair. It's such a sweet scene that says a lot about their friendship:

It's so awesome, this part. Serena is totally, utterly focused on Blair, and it's like you can see her trying to vibe all this confidence and oblivion into her, and it's not happening, because they are at the very center of the thing that makes them opposites and they can't get across the bridge: Serena is beautiful because she doesn't care about anybody but Blair, and Blair is beautiful because she is so completely self-conscious that Blair is the last thing on her list. (Guess which one wins?) So Serena's getting more and more into it, trying to muscle Blair into unselfconsciousness, all, "Let's do something crazy like Britney with the umbrella! Rawr! At the car! Posh Spice in America. Ready? Go! Hand on the hip! Strike it and pop! Give me more, give me more!" She calls her a sexy beast. Blair finally starts fully getting into it, giggling and laughing, and I kind of teared up, I'll be honest: "Oh, it looks so good! You're doing so good! You got it! Look how good you are!" I mean, that's love. Blair deserves Serena 24/7 just telling her she's wonderful, and Serena wants to be there 24/7, telling Blair she's wonderful. Like if she says it enough times, she'll fix her. And if you think about that, then the whole lost year thing is like ten times worse, because that means for a whole year, Blair didn't know she was wonderful, and she got less and less wonderful. But now Serena's back, and she's saying, "You're doing so good! You got it! Look how good you are!" So of course Dan calls.

• Battlestar Galactica: Well, damn, that's probably his favorite show. He can write for days about that one. Which comes in handy because that is a dense show and his recaps often clear up some of the fog that surrounds the issues. Recently, in an episode about poor Starbuck coming back from the dead, no one believes her insistence that she knows the way to Earth. You know what Jacob did? He likened her to Antigone (it's the third book of the Oedipus trilody, remember in high school?), and he kept up the analogy, with the use of quotes from the play, throughout the entire recap. And it totally made sense and helped me to understand the dilemma of Starbuck throughout the episode. And that is why he's awesome! I often cry during recaps of this show because it's like watching the episode all over again, except with a more profound empathy for the characters and situations. He's really amazing.

From episode 4.2, "Six of One" - see explanation of scenario above:

What's happening here is that there's a woman saying something divine is speaking to her, telling her that the Fleet, her people, are going the wrong way. And once somebody gets a message like that, it behooves the person in power to lock them away, in a little room. It happened to Laura, it happened to Three. If you're right, you get a Boomer: somebody who doesn't even know they're a bomb tossed over the line. But if you're wrong, you get a person with a mission, driven, pushed into a place they never needed to be pushed. And you can go on with your life, we do it all the time, we walk away out of the light and into the darkness, like Cavil. But what we have to remember is that there's a little room, in the dark, with a girl inside, and that girl is right. I mentioned Joan of Arc last week, and now here it is again. That Antigone thing: a girl in a cage who is right. And if that girl happens to be Kara Thrace -- or a pissed-off Six on a Hermione mercy mission, as we'll see -- you best watch your hot Presidential ass.

From episode 2.15 "Scar" - this whole episode has been about Starbuck letting another pilot take the glory and show her up. It's been really hard for her to not take the glory and after it's all over and she has grown up a lot in this episode, she's working out with her friend Helo, who just keeps telling her she did the right thing, and he doesn't really understand why is was so hard for her in the first place:

I love Helo. He's like eight feet tall and gorgeous, and could probably lift a house and throw it several feet, but all he does instead is tell you how special and lovely you are, and how much he loves you. Even if you're the ex-boyfriend! Even if you attack him with a monkey wrench! What are monkey wrenches to him? Nothing but obstacles to him telling you how wonderful you are; a break in the conversation. What a guy...."You did the right thing, and called in your wingman. Okay?" Helo's so loving, and so, so does not get it, because Raptors aren't about glory, they're about utility. If he were truly capable of understanding just how much Starbuck's lost, he would have flown Vipers in the first place. Or maybe he has an inner-ear disease or something. I'm just saying, he's the perfect guy to have this conversation with....Helo: "You've got something to live for now. Not just die for." I'm dubious about the actual truth of the underlying concept, but, like, Helo's not the person you go to about codependence or selling yourself out for the person you love. He's the person you go to for big strong hugs and occasional boxing matches. Starbuck takes him out and he rolls around on the ground, laughing, as she pile-drives onto him, and they giggle like children as he taps out, taps out, taps out.

So, here's hoping you read at least one or two of these quotes, because they are on the nose as far as good descriptions of the subtext of each scene, but are also damn fine pieces of writing. And the "American Idol" shit just cracks me up.

ETA: Just read the recap of this Tuesday's "American Idol" and it was possibly the funniest thing I have ever read. While the entire thing is great (really, read it) my favorite part occurs about halfway through where Jacob goes gaga over David Cook's song choice, Switchfoot's "Dare You to Move." What makes it funny is his two-page ramble about how songs like that are on a secret playlist in his head for an imaginary relationship he will someday have with Dawson Leery. I didn't even know he liked that show until I read this. That blew my mind and his two-page rant of descriptions cracked me up to no end! So awesome! I'll spare you the quote since I have already beat you senseless with quotes this post, but please check it out here.