Why Are They Stars?

It should be no surprise to anyone that Jessica Alba recently had a baby. Her growing pregnancy was well-documented by the press and now the magazines are salivating for rights to baby photos, and the oh-so-original cover stories "How I Got My Body Back After Baby." The other day I was surfing the 'net (that phrase should be banished from my vocabulary by now) and came across a photo spread documenting Alba's breast growth since giving birth.

Really?

And it occurred to me, no offense to the beautiful, radiant and seemingly affable Ms. Alba, that I don't know why she's famous. I'm not stupid, I know that she's hot and that in today's market that's enough to guarantee publicity, exposure and fame. But other than her slamming beach body and lovely smile, what has she really given us as an actress? I started thinking about her career resume and it's shockingly weak; I couldn't think of one film in which she's a major player that is worthwhile. There's no doubt that her star-in-the-making mark came with the 2000 Fox series "Dark Angel" and while I've never seen more than a minute or two, I believe the hype that she was very good on it and it was an underrated show. I also appreciate her supporting roles in both Never Been Kissed and Sin City, but all that was really required of her was to look hot, wear chaps and crack a whip.

The rest of her films include Honey, both Fantastic Four's, Into the Blue, Good Luck Chuck, Awake, The Eye, and the recent The Love Guru. Anything there worth seeing? She may in fact be a capable actress, but you'd never know it from this array of crap. So why do I see her face in every magazine? Why has she been a featured presenter at the Academy Awards for 3 years running? It seems rather ridiculous to me. I know she's gorgeous, but I feel like there should at least be some genuine film contributions in addition to her looks for her to be covered and talked about at this level. I find that frustrating.

More actresses I'm sick of seeing in magazines:

Zoe Saldana: Center Stage, Get Over It, Drumline, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, The Terminal, Haven, Guess Who, Premium, Ways of the Flesh, After Sex, Vantage Point. I know some of these are decent films, but her parts in those films are usually insignificant and I've never been impressed by her acting. But she's in practically every issue I've ever bought of InStyle. And she almost always has dark circles under her eyes like she forgot to put on concealer. I don't know if her make-up is just put on wrong or what but she always looks really wane and tired. She'd better really impress as Uhura in next summer's Star Trek.

Kate Bosworth: Okay, she killed in Blue Crush. But since then she's mainly famous for her rapidly diminishing weight, her failed romance with Orlando Bloom, and for sucking all the spunk out of Lois Lane in Superman Returns. She's got some natural charm and is not a horrible actress, but she needs to choose her parts more carefully.
Mischa Barton: I love "The O.C." And she was by far the worst actress on it. She's a really beautiful girl who showed some early promise in Lawn Dogs, Pups, The Sixth Sense, and Lost and Delirious, but has since lost all ability to credibly deliver a line. Some of the stiffest acting I've ever seen. But Marissa Cooper is a pop culture icon, so famous and photographed she remains.

Olivia Wilde: She's not as widely overexposed, but I'm still sick of her. After a rather lackluster, but buzz generating, turn as one half of the touted season 2 lesbian relationship on "The O.C." I was unimpressed (and resented the departure from cuties Rachel Bilson, Ben McKenzie and Adam Brody, who could actually act). Now she's sucking up screentime on "House" as the most whiny, supposedly "mysterious" Cameron-retread, 13. Bored now.
Jessica Biel:Not the worst part of "7th Heaven" but I don't think having that show on your resume can every be viewed as a positive. I'll admit, the girl keeps her body in great shape, has a nice smile, seems very cutely in love with Justin Timberlake, and was surprisingly "not bad" in 2006's The Illusionist. But I've seen nothing worthwhile in Rules of Attraction, Summer Catch, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Next, or I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. She's got 5 films in the works so here's hoping she turns it around because she does seem like a nice girl.

Jessica Simpson: This one is self-evident, right? Vapid, fairly talentless, annoying, and not really all that attractive anymore, at least not lately. (I guess I have an anti-thing for the Jessica's, don't I?)

These are just my own irrational grievances (I'm sure there are also lots of unworthy actors and actresses that I irrationally love) and I don't dislike them personally (well, maybe Jessica Simpson); I'm just sick of reading about and seeing pictures of celebrities that haven't really contributed anything worthwhile to my enjoyment of television and film.

What celebrities do you think are worthless?