10 Pop Culture Gems Ruined By My Break-Up

In no particular order and with absolutely no context...

• How I Met Your Mother: The season in which we finally get a resolution to the longest and most inappropriate story to ever tell your children, WE HAVE SIGHTED THE ACTUAL MOTHER, and yet I remain unmotivated.
• "No One" by Alicia Keys: Gah. Can't even. Turn the radio station off and leave the store. Immediately.
• Stranger Than Fiction: F*** you Maggie Gyllenhaal and your oddly appealing chipmunk cheeks. (Wreckless Eric's "Whole Wide World" is still firmly delightful.)
• "I Will Always Love You": Dolly or Whitney, ironically or not, even in that great episode of Gilmore Girls. Nope. No more.
• Pride and Prejudice: The book, the miniseries, the movie - in all it's forms this story and all the hope and goodwill it engenders are galling right now. Give me Marianne Dashwood and her melodramatic wailing!
• Kung Fu Panda: Apparently The Iron Giant  will be the only non-Disney cartoon to which my future hypothetical children are ever exposed. (Whoops, forgot about The Brave Little Toaster - tainted, but not ruined.)
• "I Will Wait For You" by Mumford and Sons: Really anything by Mumford and Sons. Too bad, I really like their style.
• Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling and Crazy Stupid Love: Steve Carell remains unaffected. My love for him pre-dates any romantic affiliations. (You're a double negative, indeed.)
• My Big Fat Greek Wedding: In which a dowdy 30 year-old virgin (who still lives with her parents) meets the perfect, gorgeous man of her dreams and gets her long-awaited happily ever after. Bullshit. DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE 30!!! That's insanity and it doesn't help a damn thing.
• "I Don't Know Much" by Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt: My history with this predates anything else on this list, and yet it is still somehow irrevocably spoiled. I guess there was a lot more that I needed to know.

Honorable Mention: "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, all of Adele's "21" album, multiple episodes of "Sex and the City," Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and the entire Kevin and Winnie storyline from "The Wonder Years."


And in the "Should Be Ruined, But Aren't" Category we have:

• "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem feat. Rhianna: But only in private.
• Fringe: Need to get Netflix so I can figure out what the hell is going on!
• Anything to do with Harry Potter:  Too important to the fabric of the universe to fall prey to something as common as a break-up.
• Jennifer Lawrence and Silver Linings Playbook: She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.
• "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers: Just so damn good. And memories of certain people singing this song soooo off-tempo will always bring a smile to my face.