If I Owned a Drive-In...

I couldn't escape this idea when compiling by Movie Theater list, so I decided not to limit myself. I've actually thought much longer and harder about owning my own drive-in than about owning my own theater. For those not blessed to grow up with a drive-in within easy driving distance, I pity you. There was no greater summer ritual in my house than the monthly (sometimes weekly) trips to the drive-in.


Unlike a theater experience, where you see only one film, usually have to buy the treats there, and have to abide by rules of theater-going conduct, the drive-in was so much more relaxed. You could buy a pizza before hopping in. You could bring chairs and pillows and blankets and stuffed animals and make a regular fort of the back seat. You could laugh and talk and question out loud, and even fall asleep during the second feature if you were tired. Because of these endless and unique attractions, it honestly didn't make much difference what movies were playing.

Sure, there were double features I didn't care to see, but had I gone with the right people and the right snacks, I don't think I would have minded. Plus, as the drive-ins are great excursions for families, they played lots of cartoons, young adult adventures, and even most of the adult films weren't rated more than PG-13. So, fun for everyone.


In addition to these myriad attractions, drive-ins also offered a special training I think the world is occasionally in dire need of - the "You let me in, I let one it, you let one in, etc," car shuffle. In my residential drive-in, the only exit was in the back left corner. In order to reach it, each row of cars had to file out on the left aisle. Obviously, as we were all headed there at the same time, some etiquette was required. The way my dad and I always played it was 1) patiently wait your turn. 2) the cars in the aisle should each stop as they file out to left at least one car from a row in. 3) after you have been allowed into the aisle, let the car waiting at the end of the next row in. 4) the car you just let in should let in a car at the next row. 5) you should also continue to let in a new car ever couple of rows to increase traffic flow, and be kind. I have borne witness to a great deal of parking lot clusterfucks that would have greatly benefited from following the drive-in exit strategy. If you are kind and let someone out, they should pass on the favor and you should benefit as well. That's how I see it.

Sadly the drive-in in my area has been scraped in favor of a Super Wal-Mart because the owners retired and there were no buyers. I imagine that if I were to ever own a drive-in (I'm mightily tempted, you should know) it would require the purchase of a large piece of land, and it would probably be smart to have my house on the same property, though far enough away to avoid too much noise. And since I wouldn't want to operate the thing every night, I would have to hire snack shop employees, and security staff. Ick, business. I'm not fond of that. But I think it would be worth it to preserve such a fabulous experience.

So I imagined, if I owned a drive-in for 1 month, what would I play? This is what I came up with, and it's entirely based on what I'm really feeling at the moment.

WEEKEND #1:The Brave Little Toaster is a great movie not associated with Disney, and with a fairly creative concept (the heroes are all household objects left behind) that sometimes is really creepy (their showdown with more modern appliances is eerie). It's one I've always loved but haven't watches in a long time. For the second feature, Back to the Future is just one of those movies that everyone can enjoy, it's still light enough for the whole family, and I think would make this an excellent double feature.


WEEKEND #2:I think I've said it before, but it bears repeating - I love '80's teen movies. This one isn't even from John Hughes, but features Corey Haim in probably his best performance, as well as pre-crazy Charlie Sheen as football quarterback Cappie. Most of the plot points are fairly prosaic (Lucas is an outsider who joins the football team to get a girl) but the individual moments and outcomes are not. And I thought that shifting from this fairly pleasant experience to Scream would be nice and jarring. They fit together in that they both take place in high school, but are obviously very different. At this point, most people who like Scream know it so well it would be the perfect drive-in movie, to quote along with outloud, to ignore if you prefer more amorous pursuits, and since you know everything that happens, if it's occasionally too dark to see, you'll still be able to follow. Plus, don't horror movies and drive-ins just belong together?


WEEKEND #3:Spirited Away is a foreign animated film, but it's bright, completely unique, and the dubbed version is pretty well-done, so it would be watchable without the subtitles (which tends to be the problem with showing foreign films at drive-ins.) I think kids would love it! And for the second feature, Jurassic Park for the grown-ups. Again, well known so okay in the dark scenes, engaging and exciting, and the suspense again makes it perfect for the drive-in.


WEEKEND #4:
This one is totally just what I would want to see. I love Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and think it would be a riot to watch at a drive-in with my own family some day. I suppose I have some lingering nostalgic connections to that movie. And having it followed with Sixteen Candles was a no-brainer. It's actually decently risque in terms of language and nudity, but still sweet, with enough action and jokes to keep everyone engaged. Plus it has that perfect ending. As with some of my movie theater choices, this is just a film that I would love to see at the drive-in.